The Dutch raise children
• How the Dutch raise children
Children and everything connected with them - this is a very important part of human life, especially parents, are already practicing or potential. We have the birth and upbringing of the child are most often as a kind of duty to society, rather than voluntary choice.
Actually, it is evident that in different countries or cultures, approaches differ. We have a tribute to the traditions and history, while in developed countries, it is a genuine desire to have an heir. But the motive - is only the first step, because the child is still necessary to raise and educate.
1. Catherine Gore - blogger, who lives in Holland and she often wrote about the habits of the inhabitants, and not so long ago raised the theme is motherhood. Here are her thoughts later in the article.
2. The Dutch children on the last report of UNICEF officially recognized as the happiest in the world (ok, to be precise, the report says the rating "in rich countries", but hardly in the less prosperous countries of the case with the happiness of the children are better, so I offer to take a populist phrase "in the world" for the truth). A substantial part of this happiness is associated not only with the lack of "homework" in elementary school or the ability to play your heart's content, but also with the overall healthy atmosphere in the family, which is set and support parents in the first place - the mother. So what you can learn from them?
3. Do not sacrifice, not to complicate the
The main idea here is very simple: do not change the life of children, they complement it. Dutch mothers do not abandon their personal lives - they continue to work, meet friends, find time for their own interests and in general do everything that a baby (two and three) are not turned the family into an infinitely suffering and exhaustion, unfolded around roaring "lump of happiness."
4. We understand and accept difficult. In our culture, the woman is obliged to sacrifice ... a career for family or family for a career. Still it is possible, for example, to sacrifice their youth and beauty, to then be sure to inform the grown-baby and for all to settle in him feelings of guilt and debt, which will be the guarantor of a comfortable old age-weary parents.
5. The Dutch mother, on the contrary, trying to do everything to make their lives complete and balanced, without any sacrifices there. Instead of endlessly exhausting cleaning - washing machine, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner robot. Instead of countless hours in the kitchen - pre-sliced, marinated, packaged in portions of supermarket products, which turn into a full dinner after only 20-30 minutes.
Instead of meaningless circles with a sidecar on the square - a joint walk "on business" or a bike ride. Rather dirty sandbox in the yard - a large and interesting playgrounds in parks or children's cafe, where you can meet up with friends at the same time. Instead of three years of the decree - a nice garden, where kids take early as 3-4 months. Finally, instead of "I'm a mother" - "we are family" because the Dutch Pope does not consider housework or childcare kind of special event.
6. Do not feel guilty
This item is directly related to the previous one. If neither family nor society requires sacrifices, do not put a label on you "a bad mother" because you stop breastfeeding or child brought into the street without a hat - for reasons of self-flagellation becomes much less. Dutch society is saying to you loud and clear: "put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then - on the child." Nervous, exhausted, depressed mother - it's not what you want your child to be happy.
7. You respect your privacy and do not climb to the unsolicited advice. Even pediatricians always try to give advice in a very delicate manner (but not in the style of our pediatricians'? You do not have massazhik And we ought to ... "and the head of the so-Kutch Kutch, they say well you yourself-silly not guessed).
And all because the Dutch know: burnout (burnout) - this is not fiction, and it's not just about the work (which can be changed and, if it got so hot), but motherhood (which does not cancel). In order to be a good mom - needed emotional resources to get that out of guilt is absolutely impossible.
8. Do not suffer materialism
You know that in Amsterdam no children "mall" à la Detsky Mir or MotherCare? No, and special children's departments in the shopping center, where everything hung with pink and blue ruffles, no Japanese super-soft diapers (in the best case - Pampers, and even do not understand that-under the supermarket brand).
No hypoallergenic wipes, extra-gentle shampoo, a special "children's" liquid dishwashing detergent (do not believe it - Johnson's baby cosmetics even not), no frenzied variety of disposable diapers, teats, spoons, bottles, and baby puree 2-3 species. How do they live?
9. It turns out that simple. First, the child does not need nafig Japanese diapers and extra-gentle shampoo - they need the mother to drown her burning sense of guilt (I give the child the best, I'm not a bad mother!); Second, gender-colored clothes and ruffles baby also did not want - children can wear in normal comfortable T-shirts, pants, jackets, pajamas - all this can be bought in the usual "adult" stores (Zara, H & M, C & A, and so on.. ) or order online.
Thirdly, the Dutch seem practical for a complete nonsense to spend a fortune on something from which the child grows up in 2-3 months - so there is a culture of second-hand and "sharing" (for example, there are the so-called speelothek'i -.. Game halls, where you can take the time to any toys - like books in a library). It employs a simple equation: The less time and energy we spend on finding and buying things - the more time and energy we have left something really important.
10. Supports the natural course of things
For Dutch mothers Pregnancy - not a disease. If everything goes without problems - they continue to ride bikes (yes!), Do sports and go to work until the last few weeks. They give birth without anesthetic and stimulant, and go home with the baby the next day - where they will wait for the nurse ready to help with the arrangement of a new life. About 30% of Dutch women, in principle, prefer a home birth (which, incidentally, still smacks of madness for me).
11. Dutch children are allowed to play all the free time (because it is through play a child learns the world) in any weather, anywhere - at home, on the street, at school, in the restaurant. They do not prohibit dirty, soak and eat sand. They quietly withdrawn in the garden with a nozzle and a temperature of 38 if the child "does not look sick" - yes, it is likely there will infect of all their friends, but the Dutch know that this is the "pumped" a children's immunity and, therefore, it is useful.
12. The Dutch doctors treat any child's cold paracetamol and vasoconstrictor drops, they are not "prescribed" tough shoes as soon as the child began to walk, and believe that "therapeutic massazhik" is quackery - instead, you advise a good physiotherapist, who will show how teach your child to sit, crawl or walk through the game and a simple, fun exercises.
Getting to accept this pathological "naturalness" is difficult. I want to heal, wrap, download baby educational programs. But if you take a deep breath and look around, everything falls into place - after having a choice between the "natural environment" and "greenhouse" any one of us in his right mind will choose the former.
13. Take the child as he is,
Here everything seems easy. We all love our children, right? Yes, love. But love and accept - not the same thing. Each of us has inflated and unreasonable expectations of how to grow our child.
14. In recent years, for example, we have become fashionable to talk about the baby, as the "main project in life," while stressing the most of the phrase, and an enormous amount of effort that the mother must invest in education of the new man; and the presence of overt metrics society in which "the project" will be a success; and the neglect of everything else, with the child is not related (in the first place, of course, to work).
15. But, sorry, no, the child - not a project, it does not fulfill our the KPI, kontribyutit into something there or bring some profit. We substitute the concept of "care" and "implementation of goals," we prefer to teach rather than to show how to learn, we still believe that the "red diploma" and higher education guarantees a child a happy future (even our own diploma brings us less useful than toilet paper).
16. Our high expectations are plaguing us and our children and in the end we find ourselves at the computer at 2 am writing for the child of any essay "On the properties of water", because the potential "three for the half year "I do not fit into our world picture.
Of course, it would be foolish to argue that Dutch mothers do not have any high expectations about their flawless blond treasure - certainly have. But they are much less zamorocheny on the achievements and assessments, they know that every child develops at their own pace and deserves praise - no matter what.
They take not only their own but also other people's children for what they are, and if your child something "special" - you will never see in the eyes of the Dutch mothers fear or pity. "What a wonderful!" - she says, and looks at you with the most sincere and kind smile.
17 in Amsterdam, I have never seen a Dutch mother yelling at their children, so that they pull up at every step, or publicly threatened to some punishment that they apologized to blame others for the baby crying or a prank During the two years . Dutch mothers know that a child from its very first day - a unique personality, which you just need help to express themselves, to love themselves and see themselves in this world.
18. If all of a sudden in the process you wanted to say, "But they have the same opportunities there, social security and all the other standard of living!" - Yes, that's right. But none of this appears in the society itself. The society should be clearly formulated request and desire to uphold the request. But as long as we continue to make sacrifices and take comfort Japanese diapers - no new features we will never get.