7 important for the sexual education of teenagers
According to research, teenagers start having sex an average of 17 years. By this age, they have accumulated a wealth of information, some of which brings more harm than good. Sexologist Kate Katzman examines the most common misconceptions about sex, common among adolescents, and tells parents how to insure the child from possible problems - at least learn to say "no" and understand their desires.
Children engaged in masturbation with a very, very young age, just as a child it goes beyond erotic context. In three years, it's just familiarity with, interest in their intimate bodies, the way to calm down, take the pressure off, and it does not look as masturbation in adults.
In adolescents, this is already different. Masturbation - it is a very natural process. Even the much needed and in terms of physiology and health, both in terms of enjoyment and understanding of their desires, love with your body.
If you accidentally went into a teenager's room and found him doing this, close the door with the back of the first thing. Give the child come to life, he was shocked. Yourself calm down. And then you can talk about: "I know you're an adult. Now I do not come into your room without knocking, are you my not you come in without knocking. We create a private area of each other and we respect it. " But no instructions what and how to do it, the parents certainly do not have to give.
it is not very good - if it takes a teenager, when we see all the free time that the child is at all times locked in her room, and we assume that it is there all the time masturbating. And if it goes even with some visuals, then eventually excitation border will continue to grow, that is, constantly need to add more or partners or members any more stringent. The teenager is constantly searching for some additional incentives through porn.
Now I see people at parties who grew up at a time when he was online and accessible porn, which today difficult to engage in sex, so to speak, a full-fledged. Because it is produced by certain habits and then adapt that sex with a partner it is very difficult.
We need to talk with your teen about what happens in porn, that is not true in most cases, and that masturbation is, after all, should be very close to what then can be played in sex with a partner. We should understand that masturbation habits in a certain way may affect in the future sexual life.
Not necessarily with the girl must say mom and a boy - Dad. I must say that a parent who can speak to call a spade a spade, with which the child has a trusting relationship. That is perhaps a parent and can speak frankly, but if he has a child does not have a trust relationship, it will probably be difficult to construct such a conversation.
But this important age. The children of early puberty (10-11 years) need one conversation, but with a more mature teenagers (15-17 years old), when they are closer to that to start something and trying to experiment, - the other.
Teenage myths about sex
Teens, for example, think that the first time you can not get pregnant. They often think this way, I hear them constantly. Even some of the girls to preserve their virginity, choosing alternative ways, well, there is oral or anal sex, and they say, "But I'm pregnant so I can not protect what?". And about venereal disease at this point and do not think.
For oral sex among adolescents attitude at all, shall we say, very easy. Many do not even perceive it as sex, like some intimate act.
Consent - a key moment in sex. We must very clearly teach their girls and boys. We must be sure to explain to them that in sexual relations only come with the consent, only at the request that can not be manipulated by anyone, to persuade, it is impossible to push, you can not put pressure on the partner or the Lady, and at the same time you can not resist these entreaties. It is important to teach your children to say "no" if they do not like something uncomfortable. The phrase "if you love me, we zaymomsya sex" or "I'll give up, if you did not give" to and the guy and the girl could answer, "if you love me, you will not have cause to be engaged in what I'm not ready "or" not ready. " That is, adolescents need to learn to listen to their wishes and say "no" if they do not want.
Teens are often faced with situations where "no" to say uncomfortable. For example, everyone at the party tried ecstasy and stick to it, too, like come on you too. It is necessary that the child has had enough courage and confidence to refuse and not to feel the outsider at the same time.
We need an early age to raise children, to be self-confident. Who will know that they have the rear. Children who are confident, is much easier to give up if something they do not want. It is easier to listen to themselves and understand their desires and not to succumb to manipulation, threats or blackmail. Even if all this is coming from a loved partner or partner.
Guys often feel that if she behaved provocatively, she got into her car, she drank, she went to him, it means that she agrees to have sex. And it does not mean anything.
And then we need to teach the two sides: both boys and girls. That in whatever situation you are, if your partner or partner tells you, "No, stop, I do not want to continue", then you stop. And the teenager has to understand that even if he promises something, even if the partner has agreed that today is sex, and even if they have started to deal with them, but if they say "no" - to stop. No matter for what reason - uncomfortable, painful, unpleasant, just did not want to - this is secondary. It is necessary to have confidence to say "stop" and that the second could accept it. We must teach our children and the ability to say "no", and the ability to take that 'no'. A drunk or nepyany - it does not matter.
Alcohol for teens - it is one of the attributes of adulthood, what I want to try. Therefore, we have to teach children, as though it may sound strange, the safe use of alcohol. That is, it is necessary to explain some basic things: you can not drink on an empty stomach, you can not leave your drink or a glass, no matter alcoholic or non-alcoholic, unattended. That is, when you're in unfamiliar company, you do not leave your drink anywhere, ever. And if you leave, you will not drink from this cup.
The beginning of sexual relations
Here, of course, very difficult. That's such a complicated facet, because a teenager to 15 years can say, "We love each other, we are all seriously. We understand the level of responsibility and security. We are ready". And nothing you can do here. Even you can talk about relationships, about how important it is to respect each other. But if they decide it for themselves, we as parents probably can not stop it.
You have a choice. You can provide them with the conditions, maybe even buy extra towel for a friend or your child's friend. We, unfortunately, do not stop the relationship, if they want to, they will find a way in which to do it. Once that is, or somewhere in the hallway or in the park, or with friends in an apartment as long as parents are not.
It is foolish to pretend that you know nothing. Talk with your child on the subject of safety and awareness. How do they protect themselves, how they understand what is safe sex, everything is going according to agreement. You can discuss the question "where and when". If you, as a parent, uncomfortable, when it happens, until you get home, you can agree that they will come, when you do not. Or, on the contrary, say that they can safely arrive at any time. It is better to say it all.
Sex and love
Our information space is permeated with sex outside the relationship. That is, our children will at some point come to what will separate sex and love, these two concepts are not always to be combined in their lives. Yet parents have to speak not only about sex, but also about love, about relationships. Well, maybe not necessarily just about a great love once and for all life, we do and do not believe that teenagers love to be the first and only. But better, of course, to sex, especially at such a young age he has been associated with some kind of relationship. And, of course, respect for your partner - it is a prerequisite in such a relationship.